Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Born in Blood--Anonymous

Blood. It’s an unavoidable part of life. I get a paper cut, there’s blood. I stay up too late, my eyes get bloodshot. Children are born in blood. Men die in blood every day. I wish I could die in blood for 3-5 days every 27 days or so.

It’s torture. Women in tampon commercials dance and swim and run and jump as if it weren’t killing them. I don’t dance or swim or run or jump for 3-5 days straight once every 27 days or so. It’s a bloody hell, and I mean that in the most literal sense.

I beg my body to stop. I can literally feel the lining of my uterus separate from my insides and it feels like death. I spend those 3-5 days moving from the bathroom to the bedroom, trying not to exert myself for fear of an upswing in the the pain levels. I avoid sharp knives for fear that I might not be able to take it anymore and perform a very dangerous hysterectomy on myself.

I beg my body to leave me be. I don’t sleep for at least 1 of those nights. I don’t sleep well the other 2-4. I toss and turn and beg God for a release from the constant, sharp, stabbing pains.

On the worst days, I beg my body to give me death.

I beg it to be fertile so I can have a break for 9 short months. I beg my OB to give me something to help, but he can only offer birth control. I find that to be counterproductive.

I beg my body to free me from my bloody hell. To no avail. I beg my it to stave off the pains for a month or two. I try to take comfort in the early-onset menopause I’ll almost certainly inherit.

I love my body--with the exception of about 3-5 days every 27 days or so.

2 comments:

  1. So true and I heard they get better after you have a baby or atleast not so intense but not true! If anything they get worse...so be prepared. I was happy after my first baby that I didn't have a period the whole ten months he nursed. then one day he quit nursin and they started with vengeance! The second one I wasn't so lucky. They started 7 weeks after I had him and the cramping started 2 days BEFORE my period...It sucks. I don't think there is anything that helps although some meds take the edge off.

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  2. I'm so sorry! I too used to have unbearable period pain. Obviously, if you're trying to have a baby it's not an option, but if you just want a break, try taking the Pill continuously. That's what worked for me. A couple of years ago I got to the point where I just couldn't take the pain any more, mentally or physically. I like to keep things pretty natural so I had mixed feelings about altering/stopping my natural cycle, but I was having to take many times the recommended dose of ibuprofen to take even the slightest edge off (I didn't yet know about the tip below). That is definitely not natural and it can cause lasting stomach problems, soooo, the Pill it was. I went almost a year without a period or cramps - the relief was amazing! After that I would take it so I'd have a period every 3 or 4 months, then every other month etc. I haven't taken it at all for the past two months and my periods have been short, light, and with only very mild cramps. Who knows if that will last, but I can hope.

    The book "Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom" by Dr. Chritiane Northrup has some really interesting ideas about cramps/menstruation (as well as pretty much every aspect of women's health). She advocates a holistic approach to healing that can involve everything from traditional medications and surgery to emotional work, vitamins, diet, herbs, etc. She seems very caring and I like that she combines her medical knowledge and experience with patients with research and alternative treatments. Anyway, it might be worth checking out.

    One of her tips is to take the ibuprofen (or Advil, Motrin, Anaprox, Nuprin) BEFORE the pain starts because it blocks the chemicals that cause the uterus to spasm. Once the spasm causing chemicals are in your bloodstream it's a lot harder to stop the uterine spasms that cause the pain.

    The only other thing that has helped me is a great big electric heating pad across my lower abdomen. I don't know that the heat really reduces the cramps/pain so much as it just distracts my brain by giving it another physical sensation to focus on (heat). It would at least help me fall asleep and make me feel cozy in the fall and winter months.

    One more thought - Endometriosis. I don't know a ton about it but I know that it can cause severe pelvic/period pain and that it very often goes undiagnosed. I remember reading that on average a woman sees 5 different doctors before being diagnosed. If your doctor won't consider it or just brushes you off, or won't offer you any solutions but birth control - find another one!!!

    Good luck! Don't give up, you will find something that works for you!!

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